Cocktails 1 1/2 oz Absolut® Citron vodka
1/2 oz triple sec
4 1/2 oz sweet and sour mix
1 splash lemon-lime soda
1 splash cranberry juice
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"I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner, "and I'll never
marry again. My first 2 wives died
of eating poison mushrooms and my
3rd wife died of a fractured skull."
"That's a shame." said his
friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the
mushrooms!"
What did the egg say to the
boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got
laid a minute
ago."
An accountant visited the Natural History
museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:
"This
dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did
you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and
the guide told me that the dinosaur is
two billion years old."
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Robert Benchley
A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating. Arnold Bennett
A person has three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go. Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider