Cocktails 1 oz peach schnapps
2 - 3 oz lemon iced tea
Start
people
pronouns
other
hello
school
Subcategories::
"I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner, "and I'll never
marry again. My first 2 wives died
of eating poison mushrooms and my
3rd wife died of a fractured skull."
"That's a shame." said his
friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the
mushrooms!"
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping
and goes to see
his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at
night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the
problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find
it."
A few days after Christmas, a
mother was
working in the kitchen listening
to her son playing with his new
airplane in the living room. She heard
her
son said, "All of you
sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now,
cause this is the
last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are
getting on, get your
asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off
now."
The
mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language
in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to
stay
there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with
your plane, but I
want
you to use nice language." Two hours
later, the son comes out of the
bedroom and resumes playing with his
plane. Soon the mother heard her
son
say, "All passengers who
are deplaning, please remember to take all of
your belongings with
you. We thank you for flying with us today and
hope
your tr
ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again
soon."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just
boarding, we
ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.
Remember, there
is
no smoking on the plane. We hope you will
have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."
As the
mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who
are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen."
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. Henry David Thoreau
A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not. Henry Fielding
An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions. Robert A. Humphrey