Non-Alcoholic 1/2 sliced cantaloupe melon
1 peeled banana
Start
people pronouns other hello schoolSubcategories::
A few days after Christmas, a
mother was
working in the kitchen listening
to her son playing with his new
airplane in the living room. She heard
her
son said, "All of you
sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now,
cause this is the
last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are
getting on, get your
asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off
now."
The
mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language
in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to
stay
there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with
your plane, but I
want
you to use nice language." Two hours
later, the son comes out of the
bedroom and resumes playing with his
plane. Soon the mother heard her
son
say, "All passengers who
are deplaning, please remember to take all of
your belongings with
you. We thank you for flying with us today and
hope
your tr
ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again
soon."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just
boarding, we
ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.
Remember, there
is
no smoking on the plane. We hope you will
have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."
As the
mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who
are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen."A person went into the
office kitchen one
morning and found a new blonde girl painting the
walls. She was
wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a
little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than
old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the
tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her
pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of
the property with a stream running by."
"No," he
said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made
of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he
continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and
uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's
parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We
have a two-car carport and have never really
needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your
marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
necessarily
like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes,"
she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I
do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you
want a
divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.
"I've never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can't
communicate with me!"
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Robert BenchleyA man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating. Arnold BennettA person has three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go. Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider