Cocktails 1 1/2 oz Smirnoff® vodka
1 1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz cranberry juice
1/2 oz fresh lime juice
1 orange zest
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A patient was at her doctor's office after
undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some
very grave
news for you. You only have six months to
live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor
replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?"
asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM
longer."
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his
bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the
man
had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the
guard.
"Sand," said the cyclist.
"Get them off - we'll take a
look," said the guard.
The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the
bags, and proving they
contained nothing but sand, reloaded the
bags, put them on his shoulders
and continued across the border.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded
to
see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This
went on
every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the
sand bags
failed to appear.
A few days later, the guard
happened to meet the cyclist downtown.
"Say friend, you sure had us
crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were
smuggling something across
the border. I won't say a word - but what is
it you were smu
ggling?" "Bicycles!"
The assistant asked the blonde if she would
like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she
said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. P. J. O Rourke
I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing. Logan Pearsall Smith
Let us have a care not to disclose our hearts to those who shut up theirs against us. Francis Beaumont